Words to live by

... Because I love me more ...

Oh Samantha from Sex & The City, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Those words are words I am trying to live by. Doing something for me not for someone else or for another reason but for me.

Anyway after that Dr. Phil motto - everything else is going relatively well.  Work has been flat out hence no confessions posts for 2 months. Relationship with BF, friends & family are going well.  Weight.. smeh but getting into good habits again.  Starting to remember that my weight doesn't define my happiness, smartness, wealth or worth.

Working from home today so I am going to go to the gym during lunch and have an extended workout because I need to move my ass - actually looking forward to it.  Careful don't fall of your chair now!

xo

howdy

Have started a new role within the same company and have been flat out. Absolutely loving it though. Great experience and extremely relevant to what I am studying (ugh full time work and part time study is killing me).

So work is good but I am so tired lately and went to Dr as I have been feeling so crap.She basically said I have some virus going around but because I have a malabsoprtion problem (thanks band.... NOT!) and my immune system is so low it is just taking me so long to get over it so she said to get as much rest as I can/when I can and no gym for two weeks because my body won't recover and I will just drive it into breakdown mode.  So trying to rest and not exercising is actually really annoying because I am just putting weight back on, getting bigger and mentally getting into a funk.  Ugh.  I honestly thought when I got this band 18mths ago my body and mind would be so different...

oh well shit happens.  its 30 weeks till my birthday so I am trying to get serious about health now and be feeling better and lighter by then.. 20kg lighter I hope.  My eating is good so once I get my booty moving should improve.

True Blood

I think True Blood is fairly big in the US but its only starting to get big here. I just watched two seasons worth in about 3 days.
 
AHHHMAAAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG! For those who watch it, I hope you know Jason Stackhouse (Sookie's bro) is from down under! God he is hot. Anyway its a great show.

Speaking of blood.... most (well anyone who has read my blog) would know I have had some tests done lately.. all came back fairly clear. My left ventricular (or the left side of my heart) is a little small so my cardiologist said "I need to keep en eye on that"... umm okay I will keep an eye on it.  But its not a serious problem and it could explain some other things going on with my brain.  What concerned me the most was my blood test results - I got tested for everything!

I am deficient in:
Vit A, B, C & D
Vit B12
Folate
Iron

I am borderline high in:
LDL - bad cholesterol
Thyroid is borderline 
Rheumatoid Factor is borderline high - I don't even know what that is?!


So basically my neurologist said I clearly have some malabsorption issues going on and have a few new supplements to take in the morning.


So even though its annoying and I haven't had these problems pre-band but I'm in this situation now so I need to deal with it.  My BF also had some blood tests and his cholesterol is off the rocker so its down to business for us.  Did a big fridge and pantry chuck out and have googled lots of new healthy cholesterol-friendly recipes. So time to get down to it.  Sick of being fat and unhealthy.


Also being very low in Vit D & B12 explains why I feel so tired, have no energy and physically feel worse after exercise. So I think better eating and supplements will help.  Oh also helps that I have a new job (in the same company) so stress wise things aren't so stressful!


Hoorah!

ouchies

today was my last day at work and in between meetings all i during the day was 1 sushi role.

Fast forward to dinner time, being home alone and a little emotional I drank too much and boy did i eat too much.. my tummy is ouchie :-( since having some fill out I am still struggling with food but i am giving myself a pass for the past week due to heart tests & work stuff going on.

here is a shot of my heart monitor just before bed.. looking sexy i know!  You should be upset i wasnt wearing my night mouth-guard (yes i am a teeth grinder) - and yes i did have an allergic reaction to the tape which was everywhere... including the 4 other little monitor pads under my lady lumps :-(

Restriction.. Zumba.. Fuzzy Feelings..

I haven't vomitted for a week.. not once :-)

Today I ate a toasted sandwich and it was devine. Until the tomato fell out of the sandwich and onto my shirt but it didn't take away the fuzzy sensation I was feeling.

However.. I feel like I don't have any restriction now and am really struggling to get my eating under control. This is what I ate today:

8am - yoghurt
9.30am - coffee
1.00pm - toasted sandwich
6.00pm - weight watchers mini dinner (yes they have mini dinners now! 3 points and about 230ish calories - amazing!)
6.45pm - easter freaking egg


okay that doesn't look too bad really.. just ignore the easter egg though.


So I have read a lot of the US blogs and it seems Zumba is massive over there and its taking off down under as well.  So I am in the process of downloading (yes I am a naughty pirate, arggh) and I can't wait to get my merengue march on.




Day 1 of heart tests tomorrow - not too stressed but I am exhausted due to lack of sleep the past 3 weeks but feeling positive about everything (for now).

Is anyone still reading this? please post comments / questions / thoughts? 

Ahoy!

overwhelmed

Well on Thursday I saw my band Dr & my neurologist and what an overwhelming day!

Band Dr was interesting - broke down straight away and was honest when I told him how i was feeling... i regret the band, i vomit 9 times out of 10 and nothing is happening and i hate myself more.  Since having 1.5ml taken out I haven't vomited once.. HOORAY!  I will admit on Saturday I went a little crazy with the eating, I was starving (mentally) and couldn't stop eating but I have calmed down... almost.

So I had a check-up with my neurologist as I had some MRIs on my brain a few months ago - I was thinking it would be an all clear appointment but apparently not.  I have these tiny little white spots on my brain and apparently they can be caused by heart problems such as a hole in the heart or issues with valves.  Anyway I am going for a whole bunch of tests later in the week and past few days my emotions have been all over the place and I have been having trouble coping with everything (redundancy, brain, food, band) but I am trying to keep it together.

Well thats all - I just needed to think out loud and I haven't said anything to friends because I hate worry-ing people for no reason. So if you don't mind.. please send positive vibes/prayers/meditation.. whatever you do.. my way :-D please hehe

fingers crossed

The past few days have been all over the place.  Last thursday, due to company restructure, my position was made redundant. It was a massive shock and I spent most of Thursday in tears and Friday in shock.  After some retail therapy (big savings! new work dress & jacket for $20 - will take pics), getting a massage, having my hair did AND lots of drinking.. I am feeling better.

Surprisingly I am relatively positive since I know the market has improved and I have been given a pretty good redundancy package.  I also have an interview with a large energy company tomorrow which I think would have lots of career opportunites for me!  So fingers crossed everyone.

Food wise - yeah the past week has been all over the shop, somedays I hardly eat, other days I eat everything.  I also haven't done any proper exercise in a week but time to get back to it.  Meeting with my Dr next week which I am a little scared about, simply because I haven't lost much weight but oh well.

Fingers crossed for my interview tomorrow everyone!