Heyo

Heyo everyone - hope all the peeps had a good w.end.

Mine was good actually :-) work on Saturday wasn't bad - didn't eat until 4pm when I had a green apple and I felt fine with that but come dinner at 7pm I was pretty hungry.
And had a good chat with my bf. Did end up me just starting to cry and not being able to stop haha (this was at 1am after 2 wines and being pretty tired) but he was great as per usual and today after a nice deep sleep I feel better about everything already :-)

Today I have been pretty hungry but I look back 6 mths earlier and I would have eaten more than I did today.
Lunch - 12.00pm - sizzler. 1/2 plate of salad and I was full. Of course stupid me had some icecream and I was very full by then.
Arvo snack - 4.00pm - some cheese & crackers
Dinner - 7.00pm - Some yummy fish my mumushka cooked and salad. And had about 1.5L of water so far so feeling good.

Oh and I've registered for this MBF "change your life in 26 weeks" program. They have the usual tips and tricks. I think it will possibly be the usual "eat healthy, exercise" sort of stuff but I am going to try to stick to it. It can't hurt. Jump on the MBF website if anyone is keen :-)

Have a great start to week tomorrow everyone.

Maddie
xo

Blah.

So overnight I have gained about 1.5kg - damn monthlies are coming soon so I know thats why but it is still disappointing and annoying.

Now that I am working full time (6 days a week actually which is killing me) I have noticed my eating has improved and I don't eat that much anymore although somedays I can eat a sandwich and other days bread will kill me.

My life feels like a bit of a shit at the moment. I had a teary to my mumushka (what I call my mum)last night about how my life just isn't where I hoped or thought it would be at the moment. I am reassessing my relationship with my bf at the moment and find I am not coping having any "maddie" time due to working 6 days a week and then driving to his house and then back home Sunday night just to do it all over again. My wonderful mumushka reminded me that I have had a stresful past 4 mths from having the band to being made redundant and struggling getting a job which resulted in financial strain to all of a sudden working 6 days a week. So I have decided I will soon give up my Saturday job and at this point in time aiming to go overseas with my mumushka next year. She will come for 3 weeks and after that I might do a Contiki tour by myself or who knows but tha is my goal. I also want to move out in 3 mths time and whether that is with my bf, someone else or by myself who knows. I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

And I've finally accepted (most of the time) that my weightloss is different to everyone else and the fact that I am losing weight is good enough. I know I can do better by exercising more but it took years to get myself fat and lazy and terrible habits so I need to realise it will take time to really get into my good habits and everyday it is a learning curve for me with my band.

I'm going out next w.end with the girls for a big bender so I think it will be good to have some fun and not worry and I'm sure once my hangover wears off I will feel better about the bf - he is great but the external factors at the moment are just straining our relationship.

Anyways I better do some work but needed to clear my head.

Have a great w.end to anyone who actually reads this lol.

Oh and thanks to the nice comments about my red dress.

Maddie
xo

Exhaaauuuusted!

I started my new permanent job today and feeling so-so about it. I really didn't want to leave the place where I was on a contract before but unfortunately they couldn't offer me a longer contract or a perm position and I have to put myself and financial safety first.

It's not that it wasn't bad but its that new, no idea what I'm doing. The Executive Manager I will be working for wasn't in and the guy looking after me didn't really know what I was doing and didn't even give me a proper tour and introduced me to 5 people lol so by lunch time I was ready to cry and go home (after walking around for 30mins (in my heels) trying to find a little park I could eat somewhere) and getting to sleep at 1am then tossing & turning all night didn't help... arvo got better but by the time 5pm came I was exhausted and not feeling too good....

....fast foward a few hours and I am feeling better. Exhausted and was feeling a little light headed for a while but ok. I seem to be all or nothing lately. Only ate once today and didn't have enough water so I need look after myself better. I'm going to take some cashews to work tomorrow to have for m.tea & a.tea. Now I know some people will be like only eat when you are hungry blah blah but every body is different and I know I sometimes my body doesn't like not having something in it for 5 hrs so a handful of cashews in the arvo to help my mind & body tide over until dinner I think will be fine :-)

Starting to feel "lighter" lately and feeling like I am getting some proper shape to my body. Want to gym/exercise 4 times this week (Wed/Thurs/Sat/Sun).

Maddie
xo

Pics N Pieces

On the right is a pic of myself @ my 21st Dec 07 - I think I was about 90-92kg then. I am having trouble finding other full length photos of myself... but I know I can't fit into that dress anymore. I am going out Saturday night so I will try and get some full length photos then *shudder*...

The only thing I like is that it looks like I have some sort of resembelance to ankles going on haha.

I might use this dress as my "goal" dress - to be able to fit into it and then for it to be too big!

Update - okay cannot find any photos of myself completely full legnth. I will update soon but since my 21st I have gotten fatter. More pics to come soon....

Have I seen you here before?

What is up ya'll?!!!

It has been a LONG time since my last ramble of a post but things have been busy. I scored a 3 mth contract and a week into I scored a permanent fulltime job with Suncorp which I start on Tuesday which I am happy about. Where I was working during my contract was a great place and I was pretty sad to go but everything happens for a reason and I am sure my new job will be great also.

Food & exercise have been alright, I definitely noticed a difference on the scales and my energy. I'm nearly under 100kg which I didn't think would be a big thing for me but it actually it is. And I know it has taken me a long time to get close but I've finally realised everyone's journey is different and the scales may not show a difference but the clothes are! I bought a dress from Witchery the other day (well 2 actually) one a size 14 and the other in a MEDIUM!!! Yes I know styles and cuts make all the difference but it's still a medium bitch haha so I look at the dress everytime I wake up and feel good about myself.

Hope everyone is doing well - I am going to try and get back into blogging semi-reguarly just for my own sake. I need to do food diary and keep track of my weight/measurements again.

Oh and I think I am over hiding my "identity" lol its just stupid and I don't think anyone even reads this anymore so who will even know it is me?! So stay tuned because I am going to post some proper pics of myself soon....

Skinnie Minnie A.K.A.....
Maddie
xo

Hello Again.

Well it has been a while since I posted.

Things were getting pretty low for me (mentally) and I was really feeling pretty crap about myself and everything but things are ok. Had a good eating/exercise week last week and felt better than I had in a long time.

Started fulltime work this week and body is struggling to stay awake hehe but after this week I am going to get into a good exercise routine - I need to get that part together. I have a fulltime job now for at least 4 mths so time to get everything else together.

Hope everyone else is doing well - all kicking ass I'm sure!

SM
xo

I think I can, I think I can.. I know I can (and you too)!

All aboard the life train, the next stop is "finally feeling like things are working out" which is in between "things are crap" and "things are going well" stations.

Restriction: I have some finally yay! Actually had a proper PB and know my limits and what food I can handle so feeling relieved about that. The weight is coming off too which is motivating and a relief.

Jobs: Well yesterday I was offered a 4 mth contract role which I was pretty psyched about. At least a contract is a little more stable and if they have to let me go early they have to give me at least 2 weeks notice and I also accrue sick + annual leave (which I won't take any of the AL so should get a few days pay out when I finish yay). I was on a high all day - especially since on Monday I had a massive break down about it. One agency called me at 9.40am asking if I could be at a job by 10.00am. I couldn't guarantee I would be there by then so she said "oh well, I'll call someone else". I pretty much broke down to mum and was just over it. Over agencies, interviews, rejection, waiting and no money!

Today I got a phone call from another company I had an interview with last week. This role is a permanent role (obviously something I want) as a PA to the Director of the company. I found out I had made it to the final stage (after 2 interviews and testing already) and I will finally be meeting with the Director Fri morning and its between me and another woman.

WOOOFUCKINGHOOOOO!

I have a good feeling about this and all week have been imagining how good it would feel to actually have to turn a company down instead of myself being turned down lol.
I am looking forward to: working 6 days a week (haha crazy I know), paying off debt, getting my savings in order and not feeling so fucking down anymore.

So feeling good and being exercising everyday this week and noticing changes in my body shape. It has taken a little longer than I wanted/expected and its been harder with the external circumstances which I couldn't foresee but better late than never :-D

So if anyone happens to read this and feeling like they aren't doing as good as everyone else or failing... you're not. You're body is working in its own way and it might take longer, and you mind need more fill. No one else knows what your eating and exercising habits were before or what is completely going on in your life now so forget about the others and what they might be saying because they are not you!!

lol ok enough of my Oprah speech, just feeling good and I hope everyone else is too.

SM

xo