ouchies

today was my last day at work and in between meetings all i during the day was 1 sushi role.

Fast forward to dinner time, being home alone and a little emotional I drank too much and boy did i eat too much.. my tummy is ouchie :-( since having some fill out I am still struggling with food but i am giving myself a pass for the past week due to heart tests & work stuff going on.

here is a shot of my heart monitor just before bed.. looking sexy i know!  You should be upset i wasnt wearing my night mouth-guard (yes i am a teeth grinder) - and yes i did have an allergic reaction to the tape which was everywhere... including the 4 other little monitor pads under my lady lumps :-(

Restriction.. Zumba.. Fuzzy Feelings..

I haven't vomitted for a week.. not once :-)

Today I ate a toasted sandwich and it was devine. Until the tomato fell out of the sandwich and onto my shirt but it didn't take away the fuzzy sensation I was feeling.

However.. I feel like I don't have any restriction now and am really struggling to get my eating under control. This is what I ate today:

8am - yoghurt
9.30am - coffee
1.00pm - toasted sandwich
6.00pm - weight watchers mini dinner (yes they have mini dinners now! 3 points and about 230ish calories - amazing!)
6.45pm - easter freaking egg


okay that doesn't look too bad really.. just ignore the easter egg though.


So I have read a lot of the US blogs and it seems Zumba is massive over there and its taking off down under as well.  So I am in the process of downloading (yes I am a naughty pirate, arggh) and I can't wait to get my merengue march on.




Day 1 of heart tests tomorrow - not too stressed but I am exhausted due to lack of sleep the past 3 weeks but feeling positive about everything (for now).

Is anyone still reading this? please post comments / questions / thoughts? 

Ahoy!

overwhelmed

Well on Thursday I saw my band Dr & my neurologist and what an overwhelming day!

Band Dr was interesting - broke down straight away and was honest when I told him how i was feeling... i regret the band, i vomit 9 times out of 10 and nothing is happening and i hate myself more.  Since having 1.5ml taken out I haven't vomited once.. HOORAY!  I will admit on Saturday I went a little crazy with the eating, I was starving (mentally) and couldn't stop eating but I have calmed down... almost.

So I had a check-up with my neurologist as I had some MRIs on my brain a few months ago - I was thinking it would be an all clear appointment but apparently not.  I have these tiny little white spots on my brain and apparently they can be caused by heart problems such as a hole in the heart or issues with valves.  Anyway I am going for a whole bunch of tests later in the week and past few days my emotions have been all over the place and I have been having trouble coping with everything (redundancy, brain, food, band) but I am trying to keep it together.

Well thats all - I just needed to think out loud and I haven't said anything to friends because I hate worry-ing people for no reason. So if you don't mind.. please send positive vibes/prayers/meditation.. whatever you do.. my way :-D please hehe

fingers crossed

The past few days have been all over the place.  Last thursday, due to company restructure, my position was made redundant. It was a massive shock and I spent most of Thursday in tears and Friday in shock.  After some retail therapy (big savings! new work dress & jacket for $20 - will take pics), getting a massage, having my hair did AND lots of drinking.. I am feeling better.

Surprisingly I am relatively positive since I know the market has improved and I have been given a pretty good redundancy package.  I also have an interview with a large energy company tomorrow which I think would have lots of career opportunites for me!  So fingers crossed everyone.

Food wise - yeah the past week has been all over the shop, somedays I hardly eat, other days I eat everything.  I also haven't done any proper exercise in a week but time to get back to it.  Meeting with my Dr next week which I am a little scared about, simply because I haven't lost much weight but oh well.

Fingers crossed for my interview tomorrow everyone!

Week 1: Day 1

So last night I started the Couch to 5k program.

There are lots of different programs on the net but I just decided to go with www.fromcouchto5k.com.

The BF wants to do it too so it is so much easier having someone go with you and we did it when it was dark so I felt less self conscious.  Although we were walking along a normal busy suburban street when I nearly stepped on a baby snake!!! Yes a snake, it was dark and I didn’t get too close to see what it was but the fright got the heart rate up.  For any American readers – this is not a normal thing (well not for me anyway as I live 5km from the city).

I felt GREAT after it and had a really yummy lean cuisine dinner (we are having frozen dinners the past week and the next two weeks because we are both working long hours and have portion control issues so this is easier and healthier).  This dinner was probably the first dinner in a while where I haven’t PB’d.  I am starting to think I am definitely too tight since I usually PB with every meal :-S and my Dr once said that the tightness he likes is when you can eat a sandwich without PB but feel full afterwards... a sandwich?! I can only eat a sandwich if it is toasted, I have about 30mins spare and a toilet close by.

It’s amazing how one little happy moment can make your outlook/positivity change so much (or more like how I let it change so much... hmm).

super skinny me - I wish!

So I stumbled across a UK documentary last night titled “Super-Skinny Me: Race to size zero”.

I was frightening and also intriguing at the same time.

The interesting part was the effects of extreme dieting on the body and the mind that people may not realise.  The frightening part was how I was mentally taking notes and wondering if I could cope for a week the way they are eating/exercising. I also got a little frightened when I realised how I was slightly wishing I had that much “will power” (more like insanity) to be able to starve and force myself into extreme exercising.  My only concern was how extreme dieting could affect the band.

The show (which is a 4 part doc) made me realise how much more obsessed with food & weight I have become since the band and how I now compare & judge myself a whole lot more – e.g. if I normally lost 2kg in a month I would be happy – now that makes me cry. All I ever seem to think about it what I should or shouldn’t be eating, why am I eating, how much I should be exercising, how much I’m not exercising, number on scales, number I want to lose... its ridiculous.  Deep inside I think if I have the psych consult before the band there probably would have been a few red flags.  Oh well.

Does anyone else feel the band has made them a little more obsessive about weight/food/body? Or the opposite and they now don’t have to think about food and just eat for nutrition without the mental battle?

Have a great w.end everyone – I am relaxing after a long week of work & studying and minimal sleep. Ugh!

Tired & random lightbulb moment

I.AM.SO.TIRED!  It has been a long week with a few ups & downs.

Beginning of week, I was feeling good and noticing some change in the body, keen to stick to exercising & good food.  Come Friday, hmm a little bit of a different story.  Trying to find something to wear to a formal black tie dinner and wishing I was skinnier is a drain.  Plus being busy with school & work commitments means I haven't exercised as much as I planned and now I feel like I am coming down with something. 

But don't worry... I am NOT going to let this get me down. Just going to soldier on and try to be gentle on the body by getting lots of rest and stocking up on some good vegies & fruit.  Might also do a gentle stroll this morning and perhaps weigh myself (although weighing myself on the Wii doesn't ever seem to see a change on the scales)... ummm LIGHTBULB moment....

So I can feel a change in my body, especially neck/shoulders/chest but the scales seem to be staying the same. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the past 5 weeks I have been lifting and moving boxes everyday and my muscles are growing :-)  Even though the boxes are soo mind numbing and boring, I try to think of the extra calories I burn everyday!  

Have a great weekend everyone!