Silly Me.

Ugh I ate too much (although not muched compared to BBT [before band time lol]) but I feel yukky and my port site hurts.. is that weird that every time I eat too much my port site tends to hurt and I get achey feeling on the side..

Anyways soo tired, work was a bitch today. Smart ass yr 12 boys really pissed me off and I didn't gym it again :-( I feel a little guilty.. I really need to find my crap and get it together. If you find it can you send it my way and tell it to hurry up puhlease!

Have a good w.end everyone! Think I will gym it tomorrow and having dinner with some of the girls tomorrow night, not my close friends but girls from the old yr 12 friendship group so it should be nice but after it a nice 40min drive to the boyfies place - that is killing me and im sick of living at home and i need a night/day away from the rentals so I don't have a choice but still ssoo annoying!

So have a great w.end everyone! I still need to update my weight & add new photos. Can't wait for my next fill - feb 10! I need more already :-(

Skinnie Minnie
xo

PMS

Man oh man I must have some PMS! One second I am happy the next I want to punch someone in the face lol no seriously.

I AM SICK OF LIVING AT HOME!!!! I just need my own space, there is always someone here plus my dad and I are like chalk & cheese. It sh*ts me that he isn't working at the moment and when I get home there are dishes everywhere and he asks me whats for dinner (my mum is working a late shift tonight and got home from work at 2am this morning) and he does jack all to help her. I don't know how she puts up with it. Then the bf calls and is in a "stupid play around mood" like a fucking 12 yr old so he just shits me even more lol I'm a bitch I know haha.

Man soo tired from working. I get to finish at 4pm but was on my feet all day and I think working is a bit of a shock to the system. Wanted to gym it tonight but I am wrecked so I will be happy if I just get my daily stretches done.

Skinnie Minnie
xo

HAPPINESS

I am feeling so good right now and I am so happy/relieved, I've been down in a funk for too long so its nice to see some light in the long tunnel haha



So will start off on Friday - drove back to Brissie from my nans house (I was housesitting for the night) and did a massive clean of the house for my mumushka (scrubbing floors, windows, sorting out tupperware cupboard, fresh flowers everywhere etc etc hehe only because I wanted to and she's had a lot on her plate the past few weeks) so I felt really good and I know I burnt some calories at least.

Spent the w.end with my wonderful boyfriend and sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have finally met someone who is so fantastic although he decided to get fit/healthy too and has lost 7kg in just over 2 weeks only from cutting out most of his carbs and eating better - bastard lol.

Yesterday I went to the gym, did 57mins of cardio and some weights (ok like 5 mins but I had to go) but then I played a game of netball last night. I was only GS and didn't move around much but there was some movement which is better than none. I wanted to go GA for a quarter but the girl didn't want to swap so next week I will go G.A.

Then this morning I got a call saying they have a temp role for me this week YAY late notice but I was getting so stressed/down about no job and no money but I will get money this week AND there is a chance I could go permanent in this role so yay. It's a brisbane boys grammar and god the school is nice! Although the first thing I did when they asked me was starting to stress about the older boys and looking fat :-( its silly since they are only 17/18 but its what I do. Anyway feeling so good now, will try and hit gym tonight although I am wrecked.

Skinnie Minnie
xo

Bored.

BBBOOORREEEDDD!! Soo bored! My Aunty lives in the sunshine coast hinterland and I am babysitting her place and animal as she is in hospital (she had a double mastectomy yesterday - she actually looked really well and awake which was good) so I am bored and there is hardly any mobile reception and luckily nothing good to eat in the house because I ate enough crap at the hospital today.

Hope everyone is doing well & feeling good.

Skinnie Minnie
xo

Sabotage!!

I am currently re-reading "Confessions of a Chocaholic" or something like that by the biggest loser host AJ Rochester. And she talks about sabotage and the hardest stuff is the mind issues.

There are sooo many pages where I feel like she is reading my mind, one example where she talks about debating mentally whether or not to eat something. I use to/still do sometimes do that, waste about 3 hrs fighting myself to decide whether I eat it or not and either way I end up feeling like I lose. I eat it and feel guilty, don't eat and feel like I am starving myself. Or having one bad meal so blowing the whole thing and thinking I've failed. But now I feel like I am apposite, I am too lenient because sometimes I think "well the band will take care of that" - nothing mayjah but I've had about 6-9 mini chocolate eggs today and I know I shouldn't, its only making me and bandie have to work my ass of harder and on Monday when I way in I will regret it. I am slowly getting my head shit together.

Oh and I realised that this time last year I only weighed around 92/93kg - who the fuck puts on 14.9kgs in a year?! Seriously. That is getting me down a bit, thinking I could be under 90 now if I just hadn't become so fkn lazy. Oh well I will still be under 90 eventually but its a little disheartening. But I did 30mins on the xtrainer today then 15min power walk (4% incline, 5.5km/h speed) and my legs feel a little sore so yay, I know you need to change your exercise routine around after a bit because your body gets use to what you do so happy I did that oh and need to start doing weights again - goal for tomorrow :-)

Skinnie Minnie
xo

Doubt.

So after some sleep and a better day I am feeling better about things. I know that friendships don't always last and it is important to talk to your friends about (which I have mentioned before I am meeting with some close friends for dinner soon so will try to talk about it then) but its still hard losing friends and realising some people aren't who you thought they were but I know I have tried everything and am always putting in 100% so why should I feel guilty and I know I deserve good friends so I have put it behind me and trying to focus again. Moving on

So apparently I have lost 5kg... I don't believe it though. My scales fluctuate so much and 1 hour I weigh one amount and an hour later another amount WTF?! But according to my weight at 6.00am on Monday 15 December (my band date) and Today at 9.00am - I have lost 5kg :-). I have noticed a little bit, in my face really and some clothes that use to fit which then didnt fit at all, are a bit better now (although not what they were originally) so starting to feel a bit more motivated and realising that I'm not gonna fail this and slowly but surely I will be the weight and size and BMI I want! Also I agree with Bridget, having a food log really does help so I have started my other blog which is my food/exercise blog and weight loss tracker and I am finding it helps... when I actually do it hehe.

Skinnie Minnie
xx

F is for Friendship.

Hmm I don't know where to start this really but basically I just feel like fucking crap right now. And I know I've talked about this topic several times but its definitely dragging me down.
A "supposed" friend of mine just told me that I don't deserve to have friends because I told him to fuck off and stood up for myself about something and I know I don't need toxic people in my life but shit did those words hurt me and now I can't help think maybe my shitty friendships with people are my fault?! I just feel like I make all the effort with my friends and since me and my boyfie have been going out its been hard because he lives so far away and they are shit at making plans so I just hang out with him but I hardly ever see them and feel really lonely sometimes. I am seeing my old close friends for dinner Wed night so I might try to talk to one in particular about how I'm struggling, I guess no one can help you if you they don't know if you are struggling.
Wow I actually feel better after typing that.

Oh so my stomach has finally calmed down after that second top up fill and solid foods are going down easy and have more restriction, not as much as some people talk about but enough for now I think and I am getting another fill in about 3 1/2 weeks. Still learning and getting use to it and I underestimated how frustrating and hard this band can be sometimes but still wouldn't change it for the world :-) Actually looking fwd to weighing myself tomorrow.

SkinnieMinnie
xx

P.S - Bridget I loved that "Body" paragraph. I never thought the stomach band would also work as a mental/brain band.