Sabotage

Ugh feeling that old negative body-hating mind frame again. Being sick and putting on weight has just really got me down. I have eaten crap today and just don't care at the moment.

I'm sick of feeling like a band failure :-(

Positive vibes and words please peeps lol

Fuck.

Gained 1.4kg since Wednesday morning.

Yes my body is always around 1kg heavier at night
Yes I have been sick and hardly ate for 3 days
Yes when your body is sick it holds onto fluid & fat

But it is still super fucking depressing! I get into a good routine, losing good amounts of weight and then wham get sick out of nowhere grrr!

Oh well going to really try to get rid of that sickness weight and hopefully I'll be where I was last Wednesday by Saturday morning?! (I get weighed Monday & Wednesday nights and Saturday morning at my gym).

haha don't worry Debi - I don't think you show twice :-) and if you do, no probs, looks like more people actually "follow" this blog!

tracey

Tracey - I made a comment to your question a week or so ago and luckily a friend pointed out an error.

I was 109.8kg when I was banded in dec and when I replied to ur question I wrote 106.? instead of 96.?. last time I weighed I was 95.6kg but that was thurs morn after not eating for 2 days because of flu. I get weighed tonight so hopefully haven't put too much on.

Nervous

So after being sick with the damn cold for a few days and having no urge to eat then my friend's wedding on Friday where I drank my weight in booze and then dinner party I had last night with a to die for chocolate tart I am a little scared getting weighed tomorrow night.

My last weigh in on Wednesday morning was great and I had already beaten my weekly goal but I was sick and it was morning after wee and before food. Oh well since I am feeling about 90% better I will just have to work off any extra booze weight this week.

Positive thoughts peeps!

:-)

I've lost 1/2 a kg since Saturday morning! feeling fanfuckingtastic

A is for Apetite

I have an apetite and its great!

I love being able to eat something for breakfast and start the day off. I used to never eat breakfast and then loved it and I have completely struggled without it since the band.

I am still loving myself sick with my decision to not have any fills for a while and do it my way. I like being able to eat wholesome foods and not worry about what when how why I am eating and just eating. Even a few special treats this week but I lost 1kg this week so pretty happy with myself.

Next week I really want to push myself when it comes to eating, push myself to eat really well until Friday - it's my friends wedding on Friday and I don't want that to blow the weight loss.

Anyway better get ready for my romantical dinner with my wonderful bf - seafood at Sheraton on the gold coast (only 30min drive which is nice). It is a buffet so really need to control myself but I just stick to prawns, crab and some oysters - ahhh its so fresh and beautiful. Love it!

Oh tracey when I was banded in Dec last year I was 108.9kg and I am now 106.4kg.

It's over for now.

So I have decided to have a break from the band. We’re going to try and be friends and see how that goes for a few months.

Last week I went to see my Dr for the usual check up and fill and as usual I wasn’t looking forward to it and didn’t want a fill but knew he would probably make me. So after working through my lunch break so I could leave work, driving for 45mins in peak hour (a trip that normally takes 25mins in peak hour but due to 2 accidents it took forever) and with a migraine the whole time, I finally got to his office.
Closed. Light off. Nobody home.
On my way there, mum called and I told I was going to see him and she said oh his assistant must be doing fills because Dr H has a list today and he is running late (my mumushka is a theatre nurse where my Dr works). Stupid me should have called but I had the email his receptionist sent me with the date & time of my appointment.

So driving home I was pretty unhappy. Crying with the urge of punching something (or someone) and relief at the same time.

I haven’t had the easiest time with my band and it has always been a love/hate relationship. Maybe if I had lost a lot of weight quickly, it would outweigh (haha) the negatives but I haven’t so it doesn’t.
It frustrates the hell out of me when my Dr tells me that I am a “small” patient and its harder because I weigh less but then goes “hmm is that all” when I have a small weight loss?

So after my frustrating, waste of time appointment I decided to have a break from my band. Things haven’t been working out and I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I spoke to one of my Dr’s nurses the next day and she was completely understanding, even to the point of telling me it sounded like the right idea and I was being very mature about it all (she is my FAVOURITE nurse)! Instantly I felt better and I think the band & I are going to be okay.

I just want to concentrate on really eating well (getting in decent filling nutritious food) and working my butt off. I love my new hybrid gym (contours & weight watchers mixed together). I went in on Saturday morning for my work out and weigh in. I didn’t have that usual hatred of weighing in and judgement but just thought, if I’m not happy well there is a reason for that so just try harder next week. Anyway I was happy. 1.2kg loss in 1 week :-) I was on a high. I am pretty sure that is my biggest loss in a week since the band. My workout was good and I felt great.
I went shopping on Saturday, tried on a size 14 dress from Cue and it fits! AND I didn’t feel completely disgusted looking in the mirrors, I actually acknowledged my wobbly bits (hello Mr Wobbly, I have seen you around at events for years but never introduced myself, I’m Maddie, Oh and this is bootyfull butt, my getting-toned-thighs and shrinking stomach). The mental change was great and then I ran into a family friend who knows about the band and she commented I looked good, I told her about the loss I had and the first thing she said was “does the gym know you have the band? Its probably not fair if they don’t know”. Well I very bluntly told her that I worked out 5 times that week and that I had been watching what I was eating and that it wasn’t the band doing all that but me. That shut her up.

Anyways apart from just feeling good and wanting to blog about it, I guess I also wanted to say to anyone else who might struggle with the band sometimes or all the time that it is okay and everyone really is different and you can’t compare yourself to them and just do what you feel is best for your mind & body.