It's over for now.

So I have decided to have a break from the band. We’re going to try and be friends and see how that goes for a few months.

Last week I went to see my Dr for the usual check up and fill and as usual I wasn’t looking forward to it and didn’t want a fill but knew he would probably make me. So after working through my lunch break so I could leave work, driving for 45mins in peak hour (a trip that normally takes 25mins in peak hour but due to 2 accidents it took forever) and with a migraine the whole time, I finally got to his office.
Closed. Light off. Nobody home.
On my way there, mum called and I told I was going to see him and she said oh his assistant must be doing fills because Dr H has a list today and he is running late (my mumushka is a theatre nurse where my Dr works). Stupid me should have called but I had the email his receptionist sent me with the date & time of my appointment.

So driving home I was pretty unhappy. Crying with the urge of punching something (or someone) and relief at the same time.

I haven’t had the easiest time with my band and it has always been a love/hate relationship. Maybe if I had lost a lot of weight quickly, it would outweigh (haha) the negatives but I haven’t so it doesn’t.
It frustrates the hell out of me when my Dr tells me that I am a “small” patient and its harder because I weigh less but then goes “hmm is that all” when I have a small weight loss?

So after my frustrating, waste of time appointment I decided to have a break from my band. Things haven’t been working out and I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I spoke to one of my Dr’s nurses the next day and she was completely understanding, even to the point of telling me it sounded like the right idea and I was being very mature about it all (she is my FAVOURITE nurse)! Instantly I felt better and I think the band & I are going to be okay.

I just want to concentrate on really eating well (getting in decent filling nutritious food) and working my butt off. I love my new hybrid gym (contours & weight watchers mixed together). I went in on Saturday morning for my work out and weigh in. I didn’t have that usual hatred of weighing in and judgement but just thought, if I’m not happy well there is a reason for that so just try harder next week. Anyway I was happy. 1.2kg loss in 1 week :-) I was on a high. I am pretty sure that is my biggest loss in a week since the band. My workout was good and I felt great.
I went shopping on Saturday, tried on a size 14 dress from Cue and it fits! AND I didn’t feel completely disgusted looking in the mirrors, I actually acknowledged my wobbly bits (hello Mr Wobbly, I have seen you around at events for years but never introduced myself, I’m Maddie, Oh and this is bootyfull butt, my getting-toned-thighs and shrinking stomach). The mental change was great and then I ran into a family friend who knows about the band and she commented I looked good, I told her about the loss I had and the first thing she said was “does the gym know you have the band? Its probably not fair if they don’t know”. Well I very bluntly told her that I worked out 5 times that week and that I had been watching what I was eating and that it wasn’t the band doing all that but me. That shut her up.

Anyways apart from just feeling good and wanting to blog about it, I guess I also wanted to say to anyone else who might struggle with the band sometimes or all the time that it is okay and everyone really is different and you can’t compare yourself to them and just do what you feel is best for your mind & body.