Feeling a little spiritual perhaps?

Hello again everyone

So since my quite off-putting vent yesterday, I have had a lot of time to re-think and evaluate myself and my current life. I’ve said it numerous times before I am sure, but I don’t want the band to lead my life yet it is. I feel that since the band I am more self-conscious, self-critical and unhappy about myself (umm could I say self enough?).

I’ve started to think that blogging solely about the band may in fact be a little detrimental to my mental sanity. There is so much more in my life that I need to focus on and being skinny may not make me happy and more importantly, I shouldn’t let being skinny or not define my happiness (and let’s face it, being skinny could be a little while off). So I am going to try to steer my blog in a different direction and it will be a mixture of every-day life, happiness, the band and who knows, I might just go back to blogging about the band only - we'll see how long this happiness thing lasts.

Well 2010 is not far around the corner and I think I might make some resolutions, goals, dreams – whatever you want to call them – and do them.
I have also devised my own Personal 10 Commandments which I have printed and placed on my visualisation board (which will be getting a makeover during my holidays and I will take some photos of). So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my Personal 10 Commandments....

 1. Be Myself & Love Myself
Okay so this is a fairly obvious, unoriginal commandment but I think it will be one of the hardest. Just as I must “Be Myself” and accept myself, strengths and weaknesses both, I must also accept everyone around me. I need to appreciate what I have, who I am and focus on the good things.

2. Do or Do Not
No more procrastinating, beating myself up or being unsure of myself. I will do something or I won’t.

3. Act How I Want To Feel
Most people probably think they do this already but I know personally, I actually tend to feel because of how I acted e.g. I feel guilty because I haven’t been to the gym. So the only way to feel non-guilty is to actually act and go to the gym. I feel unattractive in what I am wearing (firstly put something on you feel semi-decent in at least) and then act as if you are the hottest thing to walk planet earth since sliced bread. Eventually your feelings will catch up to your actions and you will feel hot and better about yourself.

4. Identify The Problem
If there is a problem or something I am not happy with I need to identify what it is and find the solution e.g. Problem: Weight; Solution: Exercise and eat better. This is a long-term problem but it I think is a good example because it leads me to Act How I Want To Feel – if I want to feel better about my weight I need to act upon it and do something about it, which then leads to Do or Do Not – do go to the gym or don’t and that then leads to Love Myself – no matter if I choose the gym or not, I need to accept my choice, appreciate myself and focus on something positive.

5. Remain Positive
No matter how bad I think it might be – someone out there has it worse. I need to find a positive every day and remember to put positive out in to the universe.

6. Let It Go/Keep Moving Forward
Sometimes I need to ask myself – In the long run will this matter? In the short run will this really matter? Things happen, mistakes are made and if I made it, learn from it , move on and let it go.

7. Don’t live in fear
If I am worried/scared about something I need to ask myself - what is the worst thing that could happen? Most likely nothing all that bad will actually happen so don’t let it stop you from doing something.

8. Does It Matter?
Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Who cares what the random person on the street thinks of me or how I look – they don’t matter to me.

9. Care
Take care in myself, my house, my work and my life. Basically just look after myself and take some time out for me on a regular basis!

10. Do My Best
I want to be able to look back at my life and know that I did my best in every aspect.

These are going to be a daily guide as to how I want to live my life and how I think will help better myself and my own negative thoughts. I think lots (if not all) of those commandments are easily transferrable to the band part of my life.

2010 is going to be my year. My BF & I have our house for the whole year and there is nothing I can see that can really get in the way (like trying to find a job, moving house etc). 2010 will be a hard-work year. Working on losing weight, saving money and being happy. But that’s okay because it will be worth it and 2011 will be the reward year hehe.

xo

Amy – I don’t have scales at my house so I’m not exactly sure what I weigh at the moment but I started off 237.8 pounds (107.9kg) and 2 weeks ago I weighed 212.7 pounds (96.5kg) so that is a loss of 25 pounds in 1 year.