Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What To Say...

Well it has been an interesting past 24hrs.

I found out some information about someone I was very close with. She was my best friend and we had been through everything together - including the delivery of her baby but things changed and she cut me out of her life (I'm sure her abusive manipulative partner had nothing to do with it). I found out last night that her sister killed herself - a month ago. I just felt such guilt and anger in myself last night I lost it and cried uncontrollably for about an hour. I hate myself that I wasn't there for her or her family in their time of need. After some very wise and comforting words from my mumushka I can't be angry at myself. I had no way of knowing (we have no real mutual friends) and she has cut herself of from communication (i.e. facebook) and has cut me out completely and the first thing I did last night was email her saying how sorry I was to hear about her loss and I hope her and Sam (her baby) are safe and well.

Then I find out via facebook that another close friend of mine (although we have drifted apart the past few years) is pregnant. I am so happy and excited for her but apart of me is saddened that she didn't tell me and I had to find out via facebook (she has since told me she wishes she had the chance to tell me before her partner blabbed on facie). And her being pregnant just brings back memories of my ex-friend being pregnant and it is just a surreal feeling for me at the moment. And another friend just got engaged today. I had sorted stuff out in my head on Sunday and all of sudden so many more emotions are flooding my head again.

My head is feeling clearer now but life and people change quickly and I am such a sucker when it comes to my friends. Anyways food & exercise now...

According to my pedometer I have taken 10,329 steps today and that is just my daily walking to/from station and around work so I am pretty happy with that. And food has been good today.
Skinny Cap for breakie
1 salmon roll for lunch
Omlette for dinner and I think I might have a scoop of ice-cream or frozen yoghurt.

I am liking work and getting my routine happening. I just need to move my butt more :-)

Peace out lol


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