Wednesday, October 14, 2009

100th post, slightly depressing sorry

So 100th post (not including the other food/exercise blog I have but never use) and its not a milestone or exciting at all.

I still hate my body, have only lost 10-13kg (haven't weighed myself in about 3 weeks since I fe knocked myself out) since December and its my fault because I don't exercise enough and eat shit too often and subconsciously I don't believe I deserve to be skinny which = happiness and I am too scared of changing and what people will think of me (even if I change for the better?).

As you can tell clearly my head isn't in a good place. I am actually looking forward to seeing the psychologist on Saturday.

I am trying to visualise and do all the positive affirmations but I don't believe them :-(

At the point of giving up, letting go and dealing with the fact maybe I will just be fat forever and I failed.

Ughhhhh hate this feeling.


Amanda said...

I'm glad you're going to the psychologist. I hope he/she is good at what they do.. Losing weight is so much more than a simple calories in = calories out, body type of thing. Your mind needs to be prepared too.

When I first started trying to lose weight.. I think I ate bad on purpose. Because then.. if I didn't lose weight I had something to blame it on... 'cause I think it would have killed me mentally and emotionally to have put everything into it and not have lost anything. It's a process.

But don't discount what you've already done. Don't say you've "only" lost x amount of weight. The truth of that matter is that you're more conscious about the choices that you're making and that's a great thing. You'll get there. In the meantime, don't give up. :)

the smiling fat girl said...

Girl, I know exactly how you feel. While I feel like giving up, too, I just have to say to YOU, Don't give up!

I love talking to shrinks. Hope you find peace there.


Beth said...

Wow, this sounded exactly -- EXACTLY -- like it came from me! I started seeing an eating disorder therapist about three months ago. I too have been in a rut for probably six months now, and it's downright depressing. I don't work out enough (recently changed), I sometimes eat junk, and I just seem to go up and down the same 2-3 pounds. And here I am with a BAND! It's sad.

So I'm working hard to ensure I work out properly, eat well, and get my mind back on track. I'm also working on being more positive -- in the past I would diet and lose weight, but I'd hit a crossroads after about six months, just like now. Except in the PAST, I never EVER maintained, I gained it all back. So... that's a definite plus.

Hang in there, and good luck with your journey. Maybe we can lean on each other.

SkinnieMinnie said...

thanks everyone - just knowing others have or are feeling the same helps a lot :-) xo

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