Thursday, October 1, 2009

What a week!

Well I have had a hell of a week.

Started off Monday okay but Monday night BF and I got into some serious fight at 10pm. About 11.30pm we had sorted it out, made up, had a D&M and I was half asleep. Was. BF decided to wake me up to tell me he thinks I need to talk to someone about my anxiety issues that I have and some stuff that happened in the past. I lost it. I absolutely bawled my eyes out for about 2 hours and I couldn't stop or control it. Now I realise it was probably shock and exhaustion plus absolute surprise. I guess I have always known I have had some anxiety issues and relationships with some
family members are strained at the best of times but it was such a shock to hear someone else say it. I thought I was so good at keeping my anxiety to myself etc but I guess living with someone, they get to completely know you.

So Tuesday I didn't go to work because my face was so puffy from all the crying. Yes puffy, my lips, nose, eyes were all extremely puffy and my face had a nice puff to it. My BF thought it was some sort of allergic reaction but no just crying face. I think my brain also needed a day to process itself and possibly face the demons and consider talking to someone. So after much researching, soul searching and talking to my mumushka - I have an appointment with a pscyhologist on Saturday morning - I figure it can't hurt right?!

So Wednesday day morning after a good sleep, feeling happy and confident with my decision I am off to work and then I fall down our internal stairs.. all 20 of them. rolling ass over head down them all. And they are not straight either, they curve around a wall. So for some reason I think I am ok to go to work, convince my BF I am fine, just head ache and several bruises. He tries to take me to the Dr but I refuse so he drives me to work and as soon as I get there I know it was a mistake. My knee is swollen & cut and my neck and back are starting to ache. About 11am I start feeling nauseous so luckily get an appointment with a Dr next to my work straight away. Concussion. Sent to hospital for scans and spent a few hours under obs not being allowed to sleep.. when all I wanted to do was sleep. Anyway home now, still feel a little tired with some nice purple bruises but all okay.

So I was eating ice-cream and watching Oprah and Star Jones was on. For those who don't know her basically she was a morbidly obese woman who was on the view (and some other stuff) but had gastric bypass and kept it a "secret" for a few years - well she wouldn't publicly acknowledge the surgery - anyway she really opened up and was talking about while her body was going through therapy (losing weight, gaining confidence, getting healthy etc) her mind was still stuck and it wasn't until therapy her mind really caught up with her body (and she admitted she still had fat-mind days). Anyway I guess her story inspired me and I really think talking to someone might really help me and maybe as a bonus, help my lack of weight loss which is really getting me down lately.

Well have a good weekend everyone - I will try not to walk into any walls or fall down some stairs again!


Kristen said...

OMG you poor thing! That sounds like one of the worst weeks ever! I just wanted to let you know I have anxiety issues and having crying fits every once in awhile, don't be ashamed. I saw someone for it a few years ago and was put on anxiety meds, which help SO much. My fiancee can always tell when i've missed a few doses, I start crying about commericals lol. Keep us posted on how your appointment goes, and take care of yourself@

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