Monday, October 19, 2009

back on track

Well even after my last post I felt better instantly.  I think venting, letting go and knowing other people are feeling the same is just a massive brain release by itself but I was also looking at myself in the mirror differently – noticing and actually ACKNOWLEDGING my body has, is and will keep changing for the better and I really need to be easier on myself.
I saw my psychologist on Sunday and I am in love haha its just so good to be able to talk to a unbiased third party and have their open honest non-judgmental understanding opinion and I actually take notice of it (of course when friends/bf tell me the same thing I listen but I just think to myself “they’re just saying that because they’re a friend”) anyway what she says is so simple and its exactly what I would say to a friend but again its because she isn’t a friend.   Plus she challenges me (in a good way) and is super nice.  So although my credit card absolutely loathes me after seeing her ($185 for 50mins is a bit ridiculous, right?) I don’t care because I think I really need her for the time being.
Also,  Beth posted a great post last week about “trying” and how basically saying trying to yourself leaves the door open to not-trying and it really hit a nerve because that’s exactly what I do.  I “try” to exercise more this week, I “try” to eat better, I “try” to think positively and when it doesn’t work or I don’t get the results I get upset because I “tried” which means I did jack all but I “tried” so that’s enough right? WRONG!  This week I WILL get back to the gym (Dr said its all okay not, just don’t do weights above my head in case I drop them on my head lol) and I will think better about myself and I will eat better food for my body and I will get enough sleep, which is one of my biggest issues.
Anyway feeling like I am back on track and my mind and body are starting to sync once more.
One last thing - thanks to everyone who posts a comment – it is so comforting knowing people a) feel the same as me; b) read my blog and possibly think thank god I’m not the only one and c) actually read my blog and use their time/energy to post J so THANK YOU!
Oh and I am going to get back to keeping a food & exercise diary which I think I will write down and post at the end of the week!


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