SCREW.THE.SCALES.

Ugh I hate the scales this week. Apparently I have gained weight. I know my body fluctuates a lot and I'm due for my period sometime in the next week or so but I hate the scales jumping and as much as I say it shouldn't matter and not affect me - it freaking does. Been feeling fat all week and I am sick of this slow weight loss shit.

Just wanted to rant and have a sook about my fat days :-(

xo

Lets Get Physical... Physical!

So this week I have been to the gym 4 times :-)

Monday - 30mins x-trainer
Tuesday - 35mins x-trainer
Thursday - 40mins x-trainer
Saturday - 30mins x-trainer and 15mins bike

Soon I will look like this:

haha okay maybe not soon and maybe as never buff as her but her body is amazing and a massive motivation.

My eating has been good - the past few days I feel like I am hungry all the time - I think its the cold weather and I'm pretty sure I am due for my period soon so I know that makes a difference.

As for the scales - have barely moved but I know my body is changing and getting smaller. I think I will take my measurements again soon and compare (maybe after next week after I have had 2 decent exercise weeks). I am really hoping the scales start shifting too, I know its not all about the scales but thats the only measurement my Dr takes and people are so dependent on that stupid "significant" number on the scale so its hard not to ignore it.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

xo

Feeling Good.

Hey everyone!

Just popping in to say feeling good at the moment - another puzzle piece is about to slot in! Gymed it 3 days in a row now and actually enjoying it. I have a little mini-goal this month before my next visit to the Dr so working towards that - I really want it.

xo

Heyo!

Hello peeps.

Had a good weekend in general and food wise. Boyfriend and I have started looking at places to rent (few domestics but we will get through it).

Went to the shops on Saturday to put some dry-cleaning in and get some heels fixed. While I was waiting for my heels to be fixed thought I would pop into Sussans (some people think its an "old lady" shop but it's actually got some kind of funky stuff - plus they go up to a size 16). Anyways sale time and I had some $ from Medicare so I thought why not. Found a nice suede trenchcoat down to $50 - size 16.. awesome! No I nearly drowned in it. Was way too big! Tried a s14 dress on and it fit, almost looked a little big in places (and of course it wasn't on sale so I put that back). Grabbed 2 pair of pants (one stretchy and another cotton: the cotton pair were casual wide-leg pants - something I thought to wear around the house) they fitted :-) were too tight but they fitted woohoo! The other was a pair of those Harem pants (aka MC Hammer Pants - tight at waist band and ankles). Thought they would be hideous but they fit nicely (snug but not tight) and so comfortable and for 50% off - came down to $35 so I got them.

My sizing is all over the place but I know my body is changing, even if the scales aren't as quick but I don't care. Over my tummy bug, headaches, back problems and I'm actually keen to get into the gym this week and kick some ass and get healthy.

xo

Reassurance.

Ok saw the Dr and everything is fine :-) YAY

Off to bed - tired and feel like I am coming down with a cold (everyone in my team at work has it) so off to get some beauty sleep.

xo

Band Worry.

Grrr. I normally don’t blog at work but I need to vent.

Ok well if you read my blog semi-regularly then you would know on Friday night I had a stomach virus (gastro) which caused me to vomit from about midnight till 7am – although nothing was actually coming up. I think I forgot to mention that I had severe reflux from taking a nurofen before I got the gastro and it was severe pain but after some Mylanta it seem to go away and then I got the gastro (it wasn’t a few PB’s because the reflux taste/pain went away and pretty sure you can’t reflux every 30mins for 7 hrs and have that gross nauseas feeling for 7hrs).

I called my Dr yesterday (since Monday was a public holiday) and spoke to a nurse/his receptionist/PA (I think she is more receptionist than nurse but anyway). Firstly she is old – nothing against old people but I don’t think she actually understood what was physically happening to me. She said a nurse would call me today. After some helpful comments which scared me (haha thanks Mindy – no I know they were meant to be helpful) I called my Dr back. Same receptionist again. Ugh! She said “I’m sure your fine, you probably just ate too much”. It was a virus you idiot! I told her I wanted to come in to see my Dr tonight but of course she said he was fully booked blah blah blah. I was probably a bit of a b*tch but told her I had paid $5000 for the OP, I pay $130 every 5 weeks for a fill and I am concerned about me and my band – I WILL be seeing the Dr today. She said she would call me back.

30mins later she calls me back. Telling me I have the last appointment tonight at 6pm (hopefully I won’t have to work back and be late hehe) and then quickly mentioned she had a call from another patient who has been vomiting all night and it seems there is a stomach bug going around. ZING! Ha ha ha.

Anyways so off to Dr tonight – already feeling reassured (and more worried at the same time, what if that reflux pain was actually band slipping pain?!). Trying not to worry – I am sure it will be fine and I will get there, Dr will poke and prod and will be like you are fine you silly girl but at least I will know. Plus the “receptionist nurse” told me it would be bulk billed (for the US readers, that basically means that the bill will be sent to Medicare, a government health fund kind of and the appointment will be FREE!). YAY.

Wish me luck peeps – kind of scared :-(

Update - so I typed this at work on a blank email a few hours ago and I just tried to have some lunch but it has left my tummy with that weird "am I still hungry or full feeling".. not sure if this is anxiety, band issues or period tummy (my tummy goes funny with food during my period). Hmm hurry up 6pm!

Perception. (and Dr advice re vomitting).

Today has been an odd and "eye-opening" day for me.

A lovely lady at work told me I looked beautiful today. Straight out just said "maddie you look beautiful today".GOB.SMACKED.

Then I was sitting on the train home (after a very long day I would like to whinge, I mean add) and I saw this lady coming down to sit next to me and she looked like an average size and I thought, crap I am going to squash her. But I didn't. There was room between us.

I would really like to see myself in other people's eyes for a day. And see if I am as fat as I think I am (or worse, I think I look better than I really do eeek).

And spoke to nurse today - she wasn't very helpful but said if the band slipped I would know about it. I would be in a whole world of pain. Tummy still feels a little odd. Also I don't eat much during the day but at night time I seem so hungry and tend to eat more at night. Weird. I need to work on my night time consumption. Hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow and make it to the gym (altough I work from 7.45am till 5.45pm today without a break) so hopefully I will get a lunch break.

Band and Vomiting?

wowsers I have had a crap of a weekend lol

Friday night (around midnight of course) I got the feeling of gastro and yes I spent 6 hrs vomiting every 30 minutes. But... no vomit actually came out (sorry this is a bit gross). I was just dry-reaching and gagging the whole time and nothing came out. Was a very weird feeling and my chest/ribs are still sore from all the dry-reaching for 6 hrs. Has anyone else been able to have a "normal" vomit with their band?

Then on Saturday morning thought I was going to spew, jumped out of bed too quickly and pinched a nerve in my lower back. Holy fuck was that painful. Got my period this morning and having cramps all day :-(

But I was at my BFs house and he took such good care of me. Holding my hair back, rubbing my back and getting me a hot water bottle all weekend. As well as driving to the shops to buy me some lemonade for my tummy and hired some of my fave DVDs as a surprise to make me feel better. I.AM.LUCKY! Such a great guy so I'm gonna book some gold class tickets for us next week and take him out somewhere special.

Feeling better now, had some porridge before and felt good - just exhausted and a little sore still.

Hope everyones weekend has been a little better than mine!

Weakness and Port Pain.

Ice cream is my weakness.

I love love love ice cream but I need to start having it as a special treat only - not a "must" after every meal because I don't need it and now I'm normally too full anyway but I love this pic. I don't really like Kylie Minouge but ice-cream and chanel... what more could a girl want?!

Does anyone elses port/port site ever hurt? Since my train ride it feels a bit funny depending how I sit (yes I hear people go "well don't sit like that then".. such a mum thing to say haha) but just curious.

Insert Witty Title Here.

Ok well saw my Dr and had a fill tonight - didn't lose much weight the past month and I was scared about my Dr being all "hmm thats a little slow" like he did last month when I lost 3kg in 4 weeks (that is good for me) but he was surprisingly great. Said to me that I shouldn't worry or be upset because I might just be a slow loser (lol I know that but I'm sure he meant slow loser regarding weight loss, right?! lol) anyway said a loss is a loss and I should be happy.

I was pleasantly surprised. I have set myself a goal for for the next time I see him (4 weeks) so gonna start working my booty off and get it all together (it has slowly becoming together).

Hope everyone else is well - I'm still a little bored with blogging so please leave any comments - even tell me to shut up if you want haha.

xo