Learning A Lot!

Well I hope everyone had a wonderful christmas. Mine was pretty good. I really learnt about what happens when you eat too much and too fast! Luckily I didn't have any PB or vomiting going on.. just that tight chest pain feeling which is a pain in the ass but I think I learnt my lesson and back to eating better :-)

So I hit the sales today and god do I love my band at the moment - I only have one regret - that I didn't get it sooner! I can't wait to be able to walk in to a store and buy whatever I want and not feel like a fat heffer that doesn't belong! Ugghhh so depressing but not for long thank god!

So going to start new exercise program tomorrow. For the next week I am just going to stick with my daily stretches and try to go for at least a 30min walk or bike ride every day. I'll be staying at my boyfie's house the rest of the week so it is going to be hard as we usually just lie in bed watching TV all day lol but now this week. He has put on about 8-10kg since we started going out but he blames it on the fact that we have just both moved back home to save some $$ so a lot of a our meals have been out but we are hoping to move in together in Jan/Feb so I really think that will help us both, being able to cook for ourselves and get into a nice healthy routine :-)

Anyways have a great healthy week ya'll and blog soon!

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Skinnie Minnie

Me at 107.9kgs - never again!

What We Think We Become.

What a difference one day makes. Today has been my miracle day, if not today then tomorrow will definitely be it.

I slept through the whole night (well 6 hrs straight yay), had minimal pain today, finally opened the bowels (hahaha gross I know but it was really starting to fuck me off) and I think the swelling is going and I am up to 1/2 cup of fluids and slowly starting to get onto very very mushy food YAY!

The first few days was hard, I was questioning my decision and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel but I can see it now and know I have made the right choice - its hard work and I am still learning about my band - I think I will always learning about it and I really really have to change my eating habits (my problem is I eat and drink too fast) so that has been a massive learning curve and I think will take a while before I master it - but I know I will :-)

I have my fisrt eating-out experience tomorrow night - sea food buffet for the boyfriends birthday with his family - hmm they have some sort of seafood chowder and a brisket (or howeva it is spelt) so I will be having that and a teaspoon of dessert - if I can fit it in lol I hope it goes well. Also want to say that my DB (darling boyfriend) has just been utterly amazing throughtout this, starting from the time I first mentioned I was even looking into it. I would hate to imagine how hard it would be without having the support of your close loved ones (says me who has only told 1 non-blogger friend lol and is already having to tell little lies about it hmmm I don't know what to do but will face that when problem when I get to it).

Anyways hope everyone is going well and anyone considering it - do it, no pain no gain and its incredible how your mind set changes after a few days :-)

SkinnieMinnie
xx

P.S - I have been reading The Secret lately - yes stop the laughing everyone - at first I thought it would be a crock of shit too and a load of mumbo jumbo but the more I read it the more it makes simple sense. Basically it is all about what you think/put it out is what you get back. I've always believed that "if you think the worst, then the worst will happen", so why not think "if you think the best, the best will happen".. I can't believe I never thought of it like that, only the negative way, anyways I found this beautiful silver ring today with the words (of Buddha) "what we think we become" inscribed on it and it really appealed to me so I got it as my banding present :-). So if anyone has a few mental hurdles to jump maybe give The Secret a read or just watch the DVD haha slowly you will become more positive and I think it is another good tool for the mind to go along with the band. Just a thought, I know this spiritual crap isn't everyones cup of tea.

Thoughts..

hmm so just thought I'd write a little note about stuff so far.

I think me and the band are starting to get along. I now know I defintely tried to drink too much 1st day back home so I am getting use to sipping very slowly so yesterday and so far today I have been pretty good with keeping up fluids and taking my time, today I am going to up it to about 100ml and see how I go.

The pain isn't too bad - except the gas/shoulder tip pain. I've tried degas and peppermint tea but not working, going for a little walk seems to help but when I wake up with stabbing pains in my shoulder, I don't really feel like walking around the house for 5 mins haha but don't really have a choice, trying to cut down on the painkillers now, seems nights and mornings are the hardest time.

So a bit gross but as the nurse asks "have you opened your bowels"? umm no! I've tried prune juice, mild laxatives, warm water but NOTHING and it just so annoying having that clogged up feeling so hopefully that will sort itself out soon, real soon! haha

hmm can't think of anything else right now but thank you to everyone for such nice & supportive comments and I hope everyone is going well on their band-jurnee.

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Crossed over...

Hey everyone

well went in yesterday morning and at home now. Pain is okay, sometimes it seems to settle down then out of nowhere I get this tightness feeling around my chest. Tried some soup before which I was a bit nervous about trying but that went down well but I my arvo snack was an Up N Go which I maye have drunk too fast :-S It's all a new experience for me so trying to adjust to it.

Also my last 2 posts didn't post properly so they are only half done but too tired to fix them now haha.

Thank you to everyone for all the supportive comments and msgs - means so much to me and happy I have finally crossed over, no pain no gain right :-)

SkinnieMinnie
xx

i am in need of sleep, more pain killers and a better pillow! Ugh i have this around my chest, under my boobs that just won't go away.. Is that the band? SkinnieMinnie xx

ahhhh freak out!

okay so I am having a minor freak out right now.. I haven't thought about the op all week until now and I am slightly doubting

It’s the final countdown…

I have paid the $5,500 today. I have seen the dietician (“wellbeingtician” as I like to call her and who is super nice). Admission is done. Time of work is organised. My list of what to pack is done. My stock-up shop is half done. Whoa I haven’t felt nerves but talking about it now I am feeling quite nervous. I can’t believe I am getting a band. I am getting a band.

I AM GETTING A BAND! I AM GETTING A BAND! ARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

Okay calmed down a bit.

I saw my wellbeingtician yesterday and she was great. I thought she would talk to me like I am stupid. I am fat therefore I am stupid and do not know how to make healthy eating choices and lie on the couch all day. But no she was really nice and supportive and encouraging. I am sh*t scared hahaha. I really don’t want to be in pain and I want a speedy recovery.

Hmm looking forward to my w.end. Will be a nice fun enjoyable w.end before the big day and before my new life begins :-)

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Happy Birthday.

to me!

So today is my birthday and I have kept it quiet but so many friends/acquaitances have been emailing, calling and messaging me which is really nice (most probably have reminders or looked on facebook) but it is still nice. My bestie sent me some gorgeous perfume and my darling boyfriend just sent me the wonderful boquet of flowers - ahh I am so lucky.

I can't wait till next year when I will be so much healthier and happier.

Also, I have calmed down from my little freak out, I spoke with a few people and a family friend who is a nurse and was done by Dr Hopkins and she didn't have to do Opti either as she doesn't have too much to lose and that some Dr's don't really think it is all that necessary as apparently it can only shrink the liver by 2%-4% and some other reasons but I'm feeling okay about it now - each Dr and Patient is different and I've been making relatively good choices and haven't put on weight like some people do.

Anyway that is all, having a great day so far and think it will be one of my happier birthdays.
SkinnieMinnie
xx

Vomit.

Jeezus christ I want to vomit. I feel so nasty and feral. Serves me right for drinking and smoking (ciggarettes) too much when I hardly drink and do not smoke!

Uggghhh really not a good start to my new & improved week. Bugger. I thought I was finding my mojo but obviously not.

So after talking with a few people I feel really guily and bad now and I really need to step it up this week... but is it too late though? :-( And has anyone else not been told by their Dr to do shakes? Mine didn't even mention it to me.

Hmm not a good day! But not long till Lani is getting hers done yay snaps for Lani.

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Shit I can't find it... my mojo.

Hmm so today I'm having am/was having one of those negative self-hating days.

I was determined to start exercising and doing shakes only, swimming any time possible, doing my awesome exercises which I know work, getting to bed early and drinking more water - pffft do you think I have done any of that?! So of course last night I start with the whole "well if you can't do that SkinnieMinnie then how on earth can you do the band" etc etc So I had some moments of doubt and thinking I will just fail like every other time but I realise that I will now have a tool which will actually work and I honestly believe that once I start seeing the results it will boost my mojo again (well I'm praying) and I am really determined to do everything I said I would do all of next week.

I started reading Nikki's blog and I am so glad I did because I realise that I might go through the doubting negative phase but I know I will come out of it soon enough and I am so glad I am being banded in 10 days time - I shudder to think what would have become of me if I hadn't seen the Dr. I have lost all motivation and will and succumed to the thought that I will always be fat and never feel comfortable with myself but I know I will soon :-)

This may sound weird and I'm sure some people think its a load of crap but I was reading The Secret and I really believe in its basic meaning. I've always believed 'if you think the worse then the worse will happen', so it makes sense to think 'if you believe in the best, then the best will happen'. Thats a really simple rundown of the Secret but its all about what you're sending out to the universe and what you're getting back so I think I need to start reading it again because it's been inspiration before and I think it will help me again.

Anyways I'm feeling slightly better and not beating myself up too much and want to give a big shout out to Lani & Gemma because they are awesome and a fantastic support network :-)

Skinnie Minnie
xx

P.S - I think I just saw my mojo so I know she's safe and well and I'm sure she'll be back soon :-D

Pete.

So when I wasn't living in Brissie, I didn't have a car and use to have to walk everywhere! My PT at the time suggested a pedometer. So I bought Pete and we were the bestest of buddies. He came everywhere with me, some would say we were joint at the hip (omg that really was lame haha). Anyways I was averaging at around 18000 steps a day and 10000 is what everyone should aim for.

But when I moved back to Brissie, Pete & I just didn't hang out anymore and we lost contact. But its all good because I saw Pete this morning and he's back on the hip counting steps. My goal is to do at least 10000 everyday before the op.

I think if anyone is having trouble exercising or doesn't know what to do etc just buy a cheap pedometer (or I'm sure Special K will have one in a box soon) and become best friends with them. It's a great indicator on how active you are being and good motivation too.

Have a great day y'all
SkinnieMinnie
xx

Warning: venting ahead - proceed with caution!

I AM SICK OF:
- people annoying me
- the phone ringing
- people asking stupid questions
- the desk I am sitting at, it is a piece of shit
- feeling exhausted today
- work
- it being Wednesday and not Saturday
- feeling gross today
- it being hot
- the air con at work not working
- not being able to take my own lunch break for even 15mins without people interrupting me

I am looking forward to:
- 5.00pm
- swimming some laps tonight
- the weekend
- sleep
- emails from new friends :-)

Hmm I feel better now thx everyone hehe.

SkinnieMinnie
x

Please Sir can I have some more?

2nd day of shakes and I pretty much blew it oops! Forgot I was having lunch with a friend who I haven't seen in over a year but I had a shake for dinner after netball (forgot to do my weight and measurements.. f*@k!).

Had a shake for breaky and suprisingly not hungry, just need to have more water though and probably force myself to have a shake for lunch now before I get too hungry and want something else and there are all these little yummy cakes lying around from a left over morning tea arrgghhh!

Ok calmed down now and threw the left overs in the bin.. if I can't have any then no one can (haha there was only like 5 or 6 left and had been there for a while anyway).

Doing measurements tonight.. oh yay!

SkinnieMinnie
xx

28 Days Inch Loss Plan

Hi again everyone

So here is the link to the book I was talking about - its also on Amazon and you could probably pick up a copy on ebay but my work is blocking those addys ugh

http://www.rosemaryconley.com/apps/shop/product.asp?product=190&category=30

So anyway it is really good and so easy to do plus my fave part - you can do it at home while watching tv and it only takes about 15mins, doesn't even feel like your exercising but if you do it everyday and watch wat you eat (obviously most people will be on shakes or have a band) you will notice it really tones you. It also slowly builds you up so you're not stressing out over exercising or over-doing it straight away so yeah can't speak highly enough about it :-)

Also forgot to mention going to do weigh in/measurements after netball tonight eeek!

SkinnieMinnie
xx

The End/The Beginning.

So I had a really nice last supper/farewell to food on the w.end hehe. Basically just enjoyed some nice yummy (relatively good) food and didn't gorge myself or over do it.

Now I am on shakes "full time" and forgot how boring they can be. I think because I have done them before I am perhaps not as motivated or really as determined - plus knowing I have a few nights where I won't be having a shake for dinner (xmas parties, my birthday, friends birthday and client functions) kind of helps but as long as I have a shake every other time and start up my exercising then I know I'll be ok. I went and did some laps yesterday and was on the WiiFit for an hour as well and I'm going to do the same tonight and do these really good/easy exercises which I know work (if anyone is getting back into exercise or just starting out - there is a book called the "28 Days Inch Loss Plan" and she has exercises for every day and they are all mainly just great stretching/toning and cater to any level - I highly recommend it).

I know I'm not really mentally prepared for shakes/new beginning today as I've had some personal stuff happen on the w.end which has claimed most of my attention/focus/energy but I'm hoping throughout today and tonight I will get a chance to sit down and really think about it all and be excited that in 2 weeks time I am getting banded and I want to make the most of it and start on the right path now.

Have a great day everyone :-)

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Setting In.

So I don't really have much to say today, I'm exhausted and forgetting everything hmm - going to enjoy myself this w.end with yummy healthy food and wine as I won't be eating like this in a while which doesn't really bother me.

I think it is finally setting in that I won't be the same for much longer that this time next year I could be basically half my size and will practically look and feel like someone else. It is an exciting feeling knowing that food and my size won't consume me and that I can walk into any store and get anything I want off the rack and look forward to shopping like a normal 21 yr old.

Have a good w.end everyone :-)

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Daily purge (of the verbal/mental kind)

So I am meant to see my dietitian on 11 December but my surgery is on 15 and everyone is saying they started doing shakes 2 weeks before their op so I have made the executive decision to start shakes on Monday 1 December 2008 – exactly 2 weeks before my op.

I have done shakes before so I know I can do them but I just get soo bored of them, for the past month I’ve been having shakes b/fast and dinner out of habit and lost about 3kg but haven’t exercised in at least 2 weeks (my excuse is I have been working 10hr days and the past 3 w.ends in a row and the days when I get a lunch break it is storming or some street has flooded lol) so I am going to start power walking again during my lunch breaks and I have asked mum for a bike for my 22nd birthday present haha woohoo that is going to be an awesome 22nd!

So reading more blogs and following a few particular jurnee’s is so inspiring and a bit of a mind trip at the same time.
I’ve always been close to my friends but never felt like I really belong and couldn’t talk about the daily struggle I faced.
How do you tell your size 8/10 girlfriends you don’t want to go clubbing because you LITERALLY have nothing to wear or everything you do just makes you feel like a gianormous heffa in the room or you don’t want to have lunch with them because for some fucked up reason whenever you eat, you feel as if people are judging you and you shouldn't eat because you’re so fat (or you order something healthy while they all get creamy pastas and burgers and you feel like the waiter is thinking “why start to eat right now, you’re already fat”)… for so long I thought I was the only person who felt like that and it is so reassuring to hear others feel the exact same way.

I’m not nervous about the operation – I’ve had more serious ones than this before but I am absolutely shitting myself about telling people or trying to lie to friends. Maybe it’s because out of the large group of friends I have, most of them are more like acquaintances from school and our friendship group is pretty shallow anyway its none of their business right?!
I told my best friend who I thought wouldn’t be very supportive (always been a size 6 or 8, no hips or ass and her parents have the same body in their 50s) and I assumed she would have just said “oh well maybe watch what you eat a little and exercise some more” and I probably would have flipped out and said something along the lines of “watch what I eat? WATCH what I FUCKING EAT?!! Not only do I watch it, I think about it before during and after then beat myself up about every mouthful I eat and how many hours I should spend at the gym doing high-intensity cardio for”.. too far?
But she was great, told me how proud of me she was and thought it was a great idea and knew how hard I have tried before and struggled and was overall just so good so yay for pez (her nickname) for being a great friend and yay to my new followers – it’s exciting and comforting knowing you have people betting on you (in a good way) and wanting to support you however they can.

My rants are probably a little crazy but I’ve never really opened up about how I feel/felt about being overweight and how it how basically consumes my every thought. Hopefully as the weight goes down so does my mental issues and they at least stop going around in the same circles :-) a few people have spoken about talking to someone about the mental side of things as the mental part is just as hard (if not harder) than the physical part – might look into it.

Thanks again to everyone and I hope everyone is going well on their jurnees (or at least are proud of their own jurnee if they are not getting the results they want)..

SkinnieMinnie
xx

Addicted to blogging... seriously.

I have become increasingly addicted to reading other banders "jurnees" and reading all about their feelings and hopes and blah blah blah - it's actually pretty inspiring and made me realise that keeping a record of my own jurnee is a good idea and one day I will be able to look back on it for inspiration and hopefully maybe inspire someone else - or at least give them a laugh?!

It has also helped me reinforce my decision to get a band and help me be prepared for people who may not have the same views as me but bring it on. I am looking forward to having something which I know will actually help me and I can't wait to eat healthily and go to the gym (which I actually do now although I know some people just think fat people eat and do shit all 24/7 but they are just losers) and see some results and no my hard work isn't for nothing :-) yay!

A lot of people who blog have their "wish list" of things so I think I might make one up and print it off and stick on my fridge so that way I have so motivation and a nice reminder of what I really want before I open that fridge and reward myself when I reach that goal - i.e. lose 10kg - buy a hot pair of shoes; do the bridge to brisbane - day at the spa retreat; do the noosa marathon - become queen?! haha maybe not that extreme but I think it is a good idea and I am going to start doing weekly weigh-ins starting from 2 weeks before my surgery which is actually 1 December whoa.

Well have a great day everyone and I will be back soon I am sure..

SM

Keep your friends close.. keep your enemies closer.

So I've started reading a few message boards about lapbanding and whoa are there some crazy people about.. I thought that a site where everyone could talk about the same issue (being a boombah obviously) and offer helpful advice and tips would be great but it seems everyone (or mainly a few crazy people) are just backstabbing each other and bringing each other down!

Firstly it is just a yahoo message board - get a life!
Secondly shouldn't we be supporting our fellow fattie (anonymously of course) instead of going crazy on their asses and ruining the blogs for everyone else. It's pretty funny though, its some sort of Days of Our Lives - McDonald's style.

This may seem weird and thinking about it kind of is but isn't but I've never had any fat friends, I've always been that fat friend which is maybe why at times I've felt so isolated to my friends, if they only knew that the funny bubbly confident exterior was just one massive fake.

I've found that since I have a date now for the surgery I am constantly thinking about the band and being fat and being skinny and socialising with friends and it just seems to have consumed me but I guess when you have to consider your weight with every aspect of your life (like fuck I feel fat on this train seat, no one is sitting next to me because they won't fit) it becomes natural to have it consume your life.. hmm I wonder what it will be like when I am half my size... A lot of people have said that the mental changes are the hardest.

I am glad I have my "personal online for everyone to see and laugh at diary" to write in. I wasn't really going to keep a track of all the physical stuff but I think I might - on a weekly basis starting from 1 week before the band.

For anyone who is reading this, feel free to comment or reply or whatever bloggers do or ask questions or just say hi to let me know people are out there?!

SkinnieMinnie
xx

The Jurnee so far...

So after deliberating for a while, on Friday 21 November I went and saw my surgeon for the lapband only with the intention of "just seeing what he says and considering all options blah blah blah"... I am now booked in for December 15th! It just happened so quickly and I honestly was a bit shocked with how fast it happened and honestly it is a bit of a crappy time for me. It's in between my birthday, my boyfriend's birthday [now that's a whole other blog to be done soon] and Christmas and a few friend's birthdays around the date as well but like they all say... there is no time like the present and I might as well start becoming that SkinnieMinnie now (as well as healthier & happier which are the most important things to me, lookin hot in a pair of Bettina Liano's is just a perk).

I am a bit concerned about telling friends and acquaintances though, I know I shouldn't care what they think but naturally you just do. Is it wrong for me to tell a little lie about my weight loss? I know there will be some negative comments and people thinking I am taking the easy way out but I know how hard it has been and how hard it will be.. has anyone lost a lot of weight and how did people react? Obviously there will be the positive stories and the "friends who turned out not to be real friends" but how did you cope?

SM
xx

Where to start.. from the beginning?

So I guess everyone probably has had enough of wannabe writers blogging their crap all over the net and so did I.. until I became one of those bloggers.

Maybe I should talk about myself a little bit first...

My name is SkinnieMinnie* and I am fat. Not in the pudgy way like "oh should she really be wearing a dress that short?" but more like a "oh who let the Dairy Farmer's cow loose in The Met on a saturday night?" fat.. except I know on the inside I shouldn't look the way I do and definitely not feel the way I do. Which is why I have made a decision which has now led me to start this blog (which is more like a journal for me but if someone actually started reading it or posting comments it means I would have to continue so I figured if someone reads it then I have to commit, ugh!) plus I can do this at work :-)

So apart from being unhappy, uncomfortable and repulsed with my own self I really am your typical 21 year old female. I like hanging out with friends (except I can't stand being with them because I feel super huge compared to them), I like clubbing (except I never feel comfortable going out trying to cover up and making me way through the dance floor) and I love shopping (ha yeah right! Trying on clothes that don't fit, wondering if the store will stock my size, getting stuck in skirts that are too tight, having to pretend I am not getting the biggest size is great fun).. so maybe I'm not your typical 21 year old female.

After years of trying to lose weight via such methods like Weight Watchers, LiteNEasy, Jenny Craig, Lemon Detox Diet, 2 hrs a day in the gym starving myself kind of methods and have always failed so after putting on about 15kg at least so far this year I am having lap band surgery on the 15th December and this is my jurnee... and anyone else that wants to come on the jurnee with me.

SM
xx

*SkinnieMinnie is clearly not my real name but Minnie is close to my real name and just rhymes better.. I think I will reveal myself exactly 1 year from now...